When a marriage starts facing significant challenges—whether due to communication breakdown, trust issues, emotional disconnect, or external stressors—marriage counselling often becomes a crucial step in attempting to repair the relationship. But one pressing question that many couples face is:
“How long should we give marriage counselling before deciding whether to continue the relationship or go for separation or divorce?”
There is no fixed timeline for counselling, but couples are generally advised to commit to at least 3 to 6 months of consistent therapy—attending weekly or bi-weekly sessions—before making a final decision about continuing or separating. However, the duration may vary depending on the severity of the issues, willingness to change, and progress made during the sessions.
Understanding the Purpose of Counselling
Marriage counselling is not a magic solution that will instantly fix all relationship problems. Rather, it is a structured process guided by a licensed therapist who helps couples:
- Improve communication
- Resolve conflicts constructively
- Understand each other’s emotional needs
- Address past trauma or infidelity
- Learn new ways to reconnect emotionally and physically
The goal is not just to “stay together” but to improve the quality of the relationship—so both partners feel seen, heard, and valued.
Factors That Influence How Long You Should Try Counselling
1. Nature and Depth of Problems
- Mild issues like daily miscommunication, lack of quality time, or parenting disagreements might improve in 8 to 12 sessions.
- Deeper issues such as infidelity, emotional disconnection, resentment, or financial betrayal may require 6 months or more.
2. Commitment from Both Partners
- Counselling only works if both spouses are willing to participate sincerely.
- If one person is resisting or not opening up, the process may take longer or fail altogether.
3. Frequency and Continuity
- Weekly sessions offer steady progress.
- Sporadic or irregular sessions can delay results.
- Couples who follow through with exercises or communication techniques between sessions often see quicker results.
4. Therapist’s Approach
Different therapists use different models—such as:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Gottman Method
Some models are short-term (8–15 sessions), others are longer and deeper. Your therapist will generally assess progress every 4–6 sessions.
What Does Progress Look Like?
You may consider continuing counselling longer if you start noticing:
- Less frequent or less intense fights
- Better understanding of each other’s emotional triggers
- Reconnection—emotionally, mentally, or sexually
- Constructive discussions instead of blame games
- Renewed willingness to make the marriage work
But if after several months there is:
- No progress or change in behavior
- Continued emotional or physical abuse
- Repeated infidelity or deceit
- One partner consistently checked out or unwilling
Then it may be time to discuss separation as a realistic and healthy option.
Legal Angle: Counselling in Divorce Proceedings in India
Court-Mandated Counselling Before Divorce
In India, particularly in family courts, judges often refer couples to counselling or mediation before granting divorce—especially in cases filed under:
- Hindu Marriage Act, 1955
- Special Marriage Act, 1954
- Family Courts Act, 1984
Section 23(2) of the Hindu Marriage Act specifically states that before granting a divorce, the court must make every effort for reconciliation unless it’s impossible due to serious grounds like cruelty or desertion.
So even from a legal standpoint, courts prefer that parties attempt counselling and reconciliation before moving toward a permanent split.
Time Period Before Final Separation
- In Mutual Consent Divorce, there is a 6-month cooling-off period (can be waived in some cases), allowing couples to rethink and explore reconciliation.
- In contested divorce, counselling or mediation may be ordered before the court proceeds with evidence and arguments.
Thus, legally and emotionally, counselling is a preliminary step before separation, and the courts actively support its use to preserve the marital relationship where possible.
When Counselling May Not Be Effective
There are situations where continuing counselling may do more harm than good. You may consider ending counselling and relationship efforts if:
- One or both partners are emotionally or physically abusive
- There’s addiction without willingness to seek help
- There is repeated infidelity
- There is stonewalling (completely shutting down communication)
- One partner is already mentally checked out or wants out no matter what
Tips for Making Counselling Work Effectively
- Commit to at least 6–10 sessions before judging the outcome.
- Be honest—even if it hurts.
- Don’t just “vent”—listen actively to your partner’s side too.
- Work on action steps between sessions.
- Avoid ultimatums—therapy is a process, not a negotiation.
- Choose a therapist both partners are comfortable with.
Conclusion
You should give marriage counselling at least 3 to 6 months of consistent effort before deciding whether to stay together or separate. This timeframe gives both partners a fair chance to heal, reconnect, and determine whether the relationship can be rebuilt.
However, the focus should not just be on time spent in counselling but on the quality of effort, willingness to change, and the progress made. If there’s genuine commitment and emotional openness, even a strained relationship can be revived. But if the damage is irreversible, separation with dignity and mutual respect may be the healthiest path forward.
Key Takeaway:
Counselling is a valuable opportunity for healing and clarity. Give it honest effort for a few months—but if progress is absent despite your best efforts, it may be time to consider other options.
Disclaimer: This information is intended for general guidance only and does not constitute legal advice. Please consult with a qualified lawyer for personalized advice specific to your situation.
Advocate J.S. Rohilla (Civil & Criminal Lawyer in Indore)
Contact: 88271 22304